Heather Smith

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I happened upon this Amazing human 8 months ago.

 

I was in the middle of a complete life do over. Suffering with Chronic health issues most of my adult life, being overweight, depressed and stagnant. Being in a 14 year relationship and marriage that just stayed the same and was based on things that didn't exist. It was an ending point and I was still so immeshed and blind in the fog to see it as an end.

This was the bursting of the head of a life not lived in passion or alignment. This wasn't being this was existing with no mind body connection or spiritual realization of a whole. A Dear friend of mine saw through this and reached her hand out to me. I took her hand. I didn't take hand outs, ever! That would mean admitting I was not perfect. That would mean responsibility. It would mean seeing what was really not in front of me, NOT me. 

I remember on one of our first consultations I sat at her kitchen table across from her and she was explaining this crazy diet plan that she was gifting to me and the amazing things she wanted for me. She kept telling me.... (OH my God) I just did something so crazy! In present time. Before starting this Blog I titled it "Kyle Cease"  sorry Kyel I will just have to do another blog. Then I wrote the first sentence "I happened upon this Amazing human 8 months ago." Then as I'm writing this I realize it's not about Kyle it's about my beautiful health coach Marcie, whom I owe everything. Then I went up to the title to change it and I typed in MY NAME.

 Holy shit. I just met myself 8 months ago. I'm going through all of this "transformation" and self reflection and being so present and alive and happy I keep forgetting I'm just a baby! I have so much to learn! I have so much to grow expand and evolve into and out of. I am here again giving credit because these people in my life reflected to me that this amazing life was always there. But the credit needs to go to me. I'm on this journey. I decided to take Marcie's hand, to fall in love with Kyle Cease and go to his events. I'm the one sharing my story for others so that they too can release old patterns and get down to the good stuff, the great stuff the in's and outs of what they really are. I'm here now, allowing myself to express an overabundance of joy and gratitude to myself. 

Okay now I'm wondering if I should post this. It's not really related to my artwork or visioning. My brain is taking over a little bit because my heart was just SO WIDE OPEN 3 seconds ago. I'm going to post this. My art is me and it is part of my story. My story allows me to see beauty in others and be able to express it through color, texture and line. These vision paintings are me reaching my hand out to you. Your dreams are not only something to look forward to they're actually happening to you right now and I want to help you see that. 

The painting above is for Kyle Cease. I'm really proud of this painting. I love it. It was a struggle at first to even start because embodying someones' hopes and dreams and paint a picture of who they're meant to be, feels important. The mind can find heaviness in this. I wanted to get it right. So I sat with it for a while until I just forced myself to start. I think this is true for everything we do in life. If we just start and keep moving forward the struggle no longer exists. Look at the beauty we can create and give back to the world by choosing to take a hand and allowing ourselves to give one out every now and then. 

 

 

Queen of the Night

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Last Thursday night after work, I'm a server, I came home pretty late, around 12:30 am. It was the night before the full moon, so it was out bare and bright. I parked in the back of my apartment complex and like any other night headed towards the back gate. Its' pretty dark back there with just a dim outdoor light. The first thing that struck me before I opened the gate, which is surrounded with plants and stuff, was an overwhelming, fragrant aroma. It was so strong and beautiful almost like Magnolia with a little more spice and POTENT. I looked down to my right and there was this huge white puff ball. It took a second for my eyes to adjust and receive that it was actually a flower. It was about 6 inches in diameter and hanging down, not growing up. I recall the plant and seeing it around for years but have never seen it bear fruit or flora. I had never seen anything so beautiful. It was so different from any other flower and why was it in full bloom in the middle of the night? Thankfully 2 days prior I purchased a fairly decent camera from a friend. I ran inside to grab it so I could take pictures, even though I was  beat and it was so late. As I was on my knees photographing this phenomenon a kid from the complex was getting dropped off behind me. He proceeded to walk towards the gate. I asked him if he could smell the fragrance and he said he could. I then asked him to really take it in and made him bend over and sniff the flower close up. He was surprised and awkwardly removed his phone from his pocket and said, "I think I'm going to take a picture too!"

The next morning I brought my camera to work and showed everyone how magnificent this flower was. When I got home I took the dog out in the back to run with her buddies and ran into the owner of this plant. My neighbor has moved it a few times, I've always just figured she was trying to rehab it. It was always so yellow and looked overwatered or sick. I told her about the night before and showed her the pictures. She was so upset that she had missed it. She's seen it bloom before but said she always picks the flower and then it's done.

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The Dessert Queen or Queen of the Night is a cactus that blooms in either June or July ONCE a year. The flower fully opens early morning and by dusk it has closed, shriveled up and will soon fall off and die. This flower blooms one time, once a year and I happened upon it in the middle of the night.

This amazing miracle was laid right before me and I feel so honored and in tune with nature. I've definitely related this flowers' process to life, in that every moment we are allowed to be complete, whole and who we truly are, we touch the world and those around us. Opening up, expressing ourselves and sharing our life is a gift. We can no longer live in fear, closing ourselves off from experiences, relationships and interactions. This flower only has one night to live, just as we only have one life. 

The fallacy of such a plain and sickly looking plant has also touched my heart. To just exist, to sit plainly and quietly, while your heart is growing and expanding. Love has no other direction to go but out and forward, into a magnificent, unexpected bloom. 




the Visceral

To those who've lost their art muscle. Maybe you no longer feel like you can shade the bosom of a woman or recall the correct ratio of turpentine to oil. The smell of oil paints and printmaking rooms, how regal and hypnotic. Your hands are so clean and nails so tidy. You have no self evidence of creating. Your sweat and tears are saved on a screen.

Remember the stains and calluses? We work so hard for these battle wounds, spilling our love overabundantly within our art and mediums of choice. These badges are reminders of who we are and of our creative process.

I purposefully don't scrub my hands completely clean. I always hope someone will notice the titanium on my elbow or alizarin crimson on my cheek and wonder, "Is she an artist?" This is me taking ownership of who I am, it keeps me on the path of creating and putting in the work. 

Don't you miss the romance? The ephemeral beauty of our creations keep us connected and grounded as artists. Our ancestors are speaking through us.

Though a painting can burn or a sculpture can crumble, they live on because they existed. The ability to exist is from within, the ability to no longer exist, yet still have meaning, is a Universal cause for purpose. Having a purpose to draw or paint or glue some shit together is why we do what we do. 

A substantial piece of art that can be held, smelled, raised up on a pedestal or wall, torn down, sold into obscurity or passed from generation to generation, is meaningful. It is the back bone of our creativity and our ideas that can then unfold into other outlets in life, like computers.

Computers are amazing. They are every medium all in one which allow us the ability to push unimaginable boundaries. They have a God like quality in that things are so real, so perfect and accessible. Our ideas are protected and saved "in there" forever.

This is not a sustainable practice for us. This is not the heart of an artist. It is not where we come from but where we are unnecessarily headed. Perfection is a surface pleasing act of our creative genius. It attempts to grasp the concepts and idea that God is only perfect and all knowing, when visceral and tangible art, actually is God and unfolding.

Pick up your paints and your charcoals. Get back to basics and to your core. Make something and then throw it away. Release the idea of perfection in creative endeavors. The idea alone is perfect and it's the process that strengthens our muscles and holds us up as the artists we knew we always were.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/hmariesmith

CWC

WWJCD?...make a vision board.

WWJCD?...make a vision board.

A whirlwind of women! I just spent two days immersed in a sea of amazing human beings. The California Women's Conference was empowering, intimidating, grounding and a force to be wreckened with. I'm exhausted from all of the power and love I just participated in. From Lisa Nichols' "Yes, Yes!" to Jack Canfield and his think it, be it mindset, I'm so ready to move in this world. I was inspired spiritually, emotionally and even financially! It's so great to look at yourself and see beyond something you've been staring at and trying to figure out for the past 30 years. It's so great to see an accurate reflection of who you are.

These people are the leaders and inspiration through love in this world.  I networked and met so many. But really, out of all of the amazing and inspirational speakers and connections I made in the past few hours, my real breakthrough came to me in the bathroom. As my best friend will attest, all conversations end here. 

In a huge convention center like Long Beach, there are a good amount of restrooms. I think they even allocate and change things up according to the venue; there were definitely urinals in the women's room. It was something I wasn't used to seeing, I actually had to stare at one for a few minutes to realize what it was. Duh!

So in air conditioned spaces I always get cold. (When you are cold, the fluids from your extremities retreat back into your body to secure the safety and warmth of your vital organs.) I always have to pee a lot at these things.

More than once I found myself in one of these bathrooms alone...there were 10,000 women there. There is ALWAYS a line at the women's room! 

I walked in, where it was much warmer, hooray, and rounded the corner of a vanity area leading to a hallway of foreign porcelain into the next corridor of bathroom stalls. A row of doors on either side of me. It was so quiet in there. I could use any bathroom stall I wanted.  It was completely my choice. What door should I open? I picked one, sat down to pee and noticed there wasn't a lock on my door.  At first I got a little panicky but then remembered I'm the only one in here! Why Am I panicking? Why would I have any fear at all? I'm alone and there are so many other stalls if this one isn't going to work out. I actually held my hand up on the door as I continued my business to then release it with a deep breath. A realization of what just happened.

We have so many doors in front of us. Doors with NO locks! Doors that require complete trust and offer complete safety and all you have to do is be there. It is all so accessible! Life is here to be chosen and used. These amazing people are here telling me that I'm one of them. They are professing a truth to being and a promise of collaboration.

Lots of doors, pick one and open it!