summer 2016,  oil on canvas. 8x10

summer 2016, oil on canvas. 8x10

I'm learning how to receive for the first time at 39 years of age. It doesn't mean that I've never gotten anything or been grateful, my life is incredible, I have never wanted for anything, accept now I'm realizing again in a deeper way, perhaps myself. 

Learning to receive for me is allowing the gift of my life. I want to help. I want to help for all of the wrong reasons. The number one reason is if I'm trying to help you, than I don't have to receive anything. I have no idea how to handle that. It's obvious that when I help you, I have a way out of looking at me and completely missing what I truly have to offer.

 When I have nothing left to give because the receiving energy is blocked, I'm not present, I'm not passionate, I'm totally hiding under you and your needs and your ability to tell me thank you. This is such a crazy thing to admit to myself and to you. But there it is.

I think I'm known as a very compassionate, helpful person, but the truth is, I've been super shitty at it! All I can do is laugh when I help to pack a box and somebody comes behind me and repacks it or redoes the dishwasher every night, why bother!?  I will be a shitty giver until I am a phenomenal receiver. I get to be in the desert for the next three months, creating and taking care of myself, I get to give and receive love to myself!!!  

My passion for art and creativity has exploded during this intentional sabbatical, I have so many exciting things coming up and can't wait to share them with you as I give and give to myself so I can REALLY give to all of you.

I am who I am so I can't just quit COLD TURKEY...

In honor of receiving, for the next 30 days. I will be GIVING AWAY 1 painting every Monday. I will be posting a painting a day and will write something. Here's the equal energy exchange: I would love comments! My favorite comment of the week will get praise and a painting! New lesson about receiving (ask for what you want) comments that I resonate with are: deep, poetic, insightful, giving and funny!

CHARITABLE CATCH!!!! At the end of the Month I will be auctioning off the month of paintings to help support the amazing Foundation Arts Access provides artistic opportunities and experiences for people with Disabilities in my almost new home, Raleigh, NC.

Let the receiving begin!

All my love,