What is in a name? Have you ever wondered how incredible it is that you end up with a word, a symphony of syllables and vowels that represent who you are? I just finished a painting and am trying to give it a title. I'm trying to define something that just happened out of thin air and give it a substantial recognition of how to be identified.
Looking at myself and my name just became a way for my brain to discover how this even comes about and where does it even come from? You come out of your mom and they look at you and call you this word for the entirety of your life. Most of us just accept it.
I was relating this to another experience last week. I had to find my dog Lilac a new home. It was devastating I'm actually crying again just within this short sentence. My apartment was just too small for her joy about life. I found her the most amazing family it really couldn't be any more perfect.
They were very quick to name her something else. They asked my permission. I thought it was extremely compassionate for them to ask me but honestly, I really couldn't see me having any say. Maybe because Lilacs' existence changed her name needed to change too?
This painting is calling to me to call it something. I guess I've been indecisive because my initial thought is that the name is so permanent. But really, isn't it constantly changing? That is really powerful for me to realize.
I don't ever plan on physically changing my name but I have to say looking at it in this perspective makes me realize how much it does change. It's inflection changes as I get older, the way I hear people say it sounds different. It means so much more to me then it did yesterday. When I turn 90 my name will have an entire life story under every expression. When people say my name it will resonate through the universe with depth, soul and wisdom. When I say my name it will be of me and never anything separate.
I love that we try to define things that just are. I love that my name, even though millions of other people have the same one, is mine and can only be about me. I love that if I wanted to, I could call myself something different with new letters and a new tone and it would mean exactly the same thing.